Nerd Insecurity

Monday's xkcd comic really touched into a personal insecurity of mine; and judging from the xkcd forum discussion, I have quite a bit of company in this issue. I found it quite interesting that there were discussions on both camps on men that felt similarly paranoid about being outed as creepy, and girls assuring guys that short of unwelcome touching or hideously poor hygiene its really ok to approach women.

Riding around the metro myself I do try to be a friendly person. I genuinely don't try to hit on random strangers and infact I find it most difficult if I personally find the other person to be quite attractive. It's easier if I'm making friendly conversation with someone I feel relatively neutral about; but with someone really hot, I get paranoid and second guess my intentions. Something in my mind goes a bit like this.

"Wow she's really hot. I'd like to get to know her."
"You pig, all you want is to get in her pants."
"Well... that's not all I want, I think she's really interesting."
"Well get to know that part and ignore that part for now."
"That's not fair, that's part of the attraction too I can't just drop that under some pretension to be a gentlemen. That's lying and lying is a horrible way to start any relationship."
"Then you do just want to get in her pants after all...

Honestly, it goes on and on like that in my head with every attractive person I meet.

I wonder if nerds are the only ones paranoid about being creepy. I personally attribute it to not wanting to be either the creepy guy who obviously looks emotionally instable, or the jerk who is so aggressive they don't care about treating women like objects and even if they get rejected 19 times out of 20, there is still that one girl that goes for it anyway. This middle ground of acceptable behavior is difficult and even the borders of scale are problematic.

One, people are pretty forgiving of poor social skills. I always forget that. Most people don't have great charm themselves and are willing to accept a modicum of baggage and insecurities in others.

Two, I'm unjustly jealous of the jerk. I disapprove of the behavior, but deep down envy the attention it gets, even if it's purely out of frequency. This idea also treats women like objects in its own way, it takes the agency out of women and places them as merely victims of the ploys of jerks. People make their own choices, men or women, and more often than not they make poor ones and usually because of how they are inside and not through coercion.

But seriously, Rihanna, you are too beautiful, smart and talented to waste time on those losers. Why can't you give me the chance to show you what a true loving and supportive relationship is all about.

marketing to women

Often I write about sexism in game marketing, so I'll try not to beat a dead horse. Although this is a joke I often feel that this is actually how some people feel games should be marketed to girl/women.

Not that games like cooking mama isn't fun, I just don't think there is any reason to market is as a "Girls" game. I think it is a very good gender neutral game, that both men and women can enjoy. Then again I think and know women that genuinely enjoy playing Halo. (and not to impress boys or to humiliate them.)

Another interesting tactic for marketing things to women is the use of magic. TV troupes has an excellent article on "Clark's Law for Girls' Toys". There are several DS and Wii games out there targeted towards young girls and all of a sudden your stylus or Wii-mote is a wand, yet for boys the Wii-mote uses advance gyroscopic computing.

The point is, efforts to have unsubtle marketing for women mostly comes out as crass and often humiliating. Now not all companies do this, "Pony Friends" is a relatively respectful game. Yes the target market is for little girls that love horseys and such, but you're not feeding the horse magic jelly beans or showering it with magical rainbows. You're picking out crap caught in the hoof, which from my friends who do ride horses is a fairly important and vital part of horse care. People will play games out of interests, and well made games that are fun to play will attract more people; no amount of marketing can cover that or impress more girls or boys to play them.

Science

Right now I'm taking the required SOC 606 course on Research Methods and Design. It's one of those courses that everyone that does research goes over and the student's eyes glaze over at the thought of it. Not surprising being that the same cases are often dragged out, Nazi experiments, USPHS racial profiling, Crazy Voyeurs, and of course Yalies and Cardinals doing stupid stuff. Students tend to zone out and tell themselves "yeah yeah, whatever, I'm not a psycho, I'd never do such a thing." (Obviously they should listen better, being that the findings of the last two would prove them wrong.)

I don't think I genuinely enjoy the course, (The idea of reading the CFR or the Belmont report for the 20th time doesn't fill me with glee.) but it does give me a moment of reflection on the the whole process of the scientific method. I like questioning the idea of science. Much like religious faith, I think one's personal relationship with the work of science benefits from a bit of questioning. Its not that I don't believe in science, but I do desire to question its worth.

I've been playing Rock Band lately and have tried to not embarrass myself too much with singing the lyrics to "Still Alive". But with close examination of the song, I really think it has a very interesting message about the idea of science.

We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.

Really interesting lines put into the perspective of understanding the legacy of Science. In my favorite sociological book ever, Dr. Donna Haraway explains that science has a very strong messiah mythology. In this includes one of the title characters the OncoMouse, and how we continuously sacrifice it to save us from the sins of humanity.

Although I don't often think of science in this way, I would say we still need to challenge this notion of the validity of scientific research and understand that in its essence all scientific research involves this mythology in some form or another. Science is an emotional part of the curiosity of being human and hopefully for the benefit "for the people who are still alive."

Cyberpunk

My friend from Cyberpunk Review and I once had a very interesting conversation over coffee on this idea we called transnational cultural feedback. (He was a systems analyst and I'm a sociologist so I guess that's logical.) Basically it's the phenomenon of constant generational exchange of culture between various countries where not only do we have one country imitating the other, but the other country imitating the imitation. This interests me in the nature of the conduits which allow for this transfer of culture. Who are the people carrying this culture between nations, and why and what meaning does this culture mean to the carrier. In terms of Pierre Bourdieu, the imitation of culture from one nation to another implies a relationship of reverence to that original culture. Value is attributed to the lifestyle and is imitated in an effort to gain similar status. Continued transfers back and forth implies a shifting of value reverence and activity between the nations.

Obviously the example I would pick out as an excellent case study would be between Japan and the US. Some would say that much of early inspirations of cyberpunk was born out of the heady days of the cold war during the Reagen administration. Fears of nuclear war eminent and a sudden realization of impotence to the frightening rise of Japanese technology. Cyberpunk captured the "what if" scenarios of technology on the human condition and more often than not high technology meant Japan. So many of the technological horror movies (The Terminator) may at least subconsciously derive from fears of Japanese technology.

What is strange is now with the Japanese interests with western culture including science fiction, much of that is in the sub-conscience of the Japanese as well. So when we see a technology research company call themselves cyberdyne and built a powered suit named HAL, we have to pause to think of why such an homage is paid to Western literature. (Read more about HAL here.)

Gamer's Girl

This is perhaps a bit metaphysical but bear with me while I do a blog post on a blog.

There has been quite a bit of discussion on the role of gender and gamers and if playing video games has been a predominately male activity. Should there be games created to reach out to women, (Are such games appropriate or just humiliating?) Are female gamers a new phenomenon or have they always been there all along? Do girls consume games differently than men? Most of the time girl gamers are depicted fairly poorly enforcing stereotypes that girls of any value sexy and interested in what you're interested in. However, there are sources that are trying to bring some seriousness to the idea.

Gamer's Girl is a blog which describes itself as such.

The Gamer's Girl Blog is meant to share stories of humor, support, and wisdom to those who date, have fallen in love with, or are married to a gamer. Much like being a house wife or soldier's wife, being involved with a gamer has its own set of rules, rewards, and challenges.

First of all, I've flipped through a few issues of Military Spouse. There are quite a few inconsistencies of experience and assumptions on the family dynamic and for me acts more as a manual for mythical social norms, than a support magazine. Then again I'm not a a housewife with a husband in Iraq for the third time, so I am unfairly biased. For those who need to seek out a support group even intellectually it does work for those who seek it.

The blog is quite new but seems to be able to update more often than my blog so I must give credit there. Gamer's Girl is about sharing the often comical pros and cons of being in a relationship with a gamer. Most of the time this discussion is quite short and ends up with the same tired joke of men choosing the comfort of games rather than relationships.

This blog brings up important points on the personal experiences of these relationship and tries to not cast it in such black and white terms. I'm quite interested in the blog already and I intend to pay close attention to how it continues to grow.